485/gc - strange situation

[badlucky]

hi,

Here is my situation. eb3 labor/gc process started in dec 02.
married in 2005. applied for 485 in june 07.

wife has been in depression since march, and recently psychotherapy sessions have revealed that its a case of "hidden personality". she is not interested in marraige/family life and wants to pursue a strong career and be independent. Since she has had a previous "self mutilation" incident in life, psychiatrist is advising me to let her go or she could spiral down more into something more disastrous.

problem is, her family is not ready to accept this and they just pushing her to rethink, make it work etc. so wife doent want to go back and wants to continue to live & make career in US. Due to difficulties with getting H1 nowadays, im ok with keeping her dependent till GC comes and then think of legal seperation (divorce in india / US -whatever is needed). Since she seeks independence she is guilty to take my gc, and i think she will try her best to get herself a h1 next year. but i dont know where this will end.

after GC, if there is seperation will derivative spouse get to keep her GC? is there some standard "soaking" period during which she cannot untie the relation. ?

Pls advice.

[PD_Dec2002]

Originally Posted by badlucky

hi,

Here is my situation. eb3 labor/gc process started in dec 02.
married in 2005. applied for 485 in june 07.

wife has been in depression since march, and recently psychotherapy sessions have revealed that its a case of "hidden personality". she is not interested in marraige/family life and wants to pursue a strong career and be independent. Since she has had a previous "self mutilation" incident in life, psychiatrist is advising me to let her go or she could spiral down more into something more disastrous.

problem is, her family is not ready to accept this and they just pushing her to rethink, make it work etc. so wife doent want to go back and wants to continue to live & make career in US. Due to difficulties with getting H1 nowadays, im ok with keeping her dependent till GC comes and then think of legal seperation (divorce in india / US -whatever is needed). Since she seeks independence she is guilty to take my gc, and i think she will try her best to get herself a h1 next year. but i dont know where this will end.

after GC, if there is seperation will derivative spouse get to keep her GC? is there some standard "soaking" period during which she cannot untie the relation. ?

Pls advice.

First, I am sorry for the state of affairs. My prayers are with you and your family.

I am not a lawyer so treat my advice as based on only heresay. I am not aware of any such soaking period for a derivative spouse in an employment-based GC. I do know for a fact that such a soaking period exists when a non-US citizen gets a GC by marrying a US citizen...you have to show matrimonial ties, bank accounts, etc for two years or so to prove that the marriage is not only for green card.

In any case, you should get others' opinions as well, but finally make a decision based on what a qualified attorney says.

On a personal note, realize that it could take several years to get a GC, so the decision to stay together just for a GC should be made with a sound mind. You want to do whatever is best for the two of you.

Goodluck!

Thanks,
Jayant

[nixstor]

Please contact an attorney asap. Your situation is not familiar to many people.

[mannan74]

Dear Unlucky friend,

I sympathize with your situation, at this time I guess the important thing for you is to worry about your marriage than GC. From reading your post I figured you have given up hope and would rather part ways based on your psychiatrist advice, although I dont claim to know a whole lot and certainly dont discount the services of these doctors but quiet frankly every situation is different,these doctors are taught to talk and convince a sane person in believing that insane has no hope. If they were so called experts why is it so difficult for them to treat your wife and convince her to change her mind as opposed to convincing you to leave. That doesnt make sense. You need to sit down with your wife and talk to her and explain her what is good. The problem with your marraige has a lot to do with your wife not feeling independent, give her the space and win her trust. Prove to her that your situation is going to change once the GC/EAD comes, she is not tied to H4 and doesnt need to worry about getting her H-1B to work. She can start her career with EAD/GC, be in McDoanlds/WalMart but getting out of house to work will surely do wonders to your wife's psyche. GC will cure your problems as opposed to add misery. If she decides to move on after GC then be it, dont force or manipulate things, let them continue, compromise with your wife and tell her to wait, show her the light at the end of tunnel. Hope this help.

Mannan

[Siboo]

Originally Posted by badlucky

after GC, if there is seperation will derivative spouse get to keep her GC? is there some standard "soaking" period during which she cannot untie the relation. ?

Pls advice.

Sorry to hear about your situation.

One of my friends came from India , got her Greencard through Marriage, Got divorce and lived/worked here for five years in Green card. Nothing happened to her Greencard after the divorce. Now she had gone back to India.

I am not sure this helps you or not.

[sapota]

No offense. But I see that the poster has only 1 post & that is the one he posted today. Wonder if this id was created just for the purpose of amusement, that one would derive in reading the various comments that would result from such a post.

I know that today is friday and all but come on.

Again. No offense. In my opinion everyone who logs onto the internet has multiple personalities.

[sunny26]

hI
Sometime they will give only conditional GC for spouse.My friend got like that.Its also employment based.after two yrs she renewed again.she still married so i donno how it will affect if someone got sep during that window

[EndlessWait]

sorry to hear about ur problem. i cant give u any advice on how to deal with your personal life. I can say atleast, your personal life superseeds any GC or visa crap. Its not worth to wait for the GC. Health is wealth.

Lot of ppl in this country, H1 and H4 continue compromising there life until the GC. Please focus on saving your life and hers then worry about GC.

And on the spouse based GC front, dont even bother. They have way too many applications to handle. By the time GC comes, it doesnt matter if you decide to divorce. No need to show that info to USCIS. She will get her GC regardless.

[natrajs]

Originally Posted by badlucky

hi,

Here is my situation. eb3 labor/gc process started in dec 02.
married in 2005. applied for 485 in june 07.

wife has been in depression since march, and recently psychotherapy sessions have revealed that its a case of "hidden personality". she is not interested in marraige/family life and wants to pursue a strong career and be independent. Since she has had a previous "self mutilation" incident in life, psychiatrist is advising me to let her go or she could spiral down more into something more disastrous.

problem is, her family is not ready to accept this and they just pushing her to rethink, make it work etc. so wife doent want to go back and wants to continue to live & make career in US. Due to difficulties with getting H1 nowadays, im ok with keeping her dependent till GC comes and then think of legal seperation (divorce in india / US -whatever is needed). Since she seeks independence she is guilty to take my gc, and i think she will try her best to get herself a h1 next year. but i dont know where this will end.

after GC, if there is seperation will derivative spouse get to keep her GC? is there some standard "soaking" period during which she cannot untie the relation. ?

Pls advice.

Dear friend

Sorry to hear your state, Please consult a attoreny, Since GC process may take very longer period than you expect. it is better consult a attorney.

I hope that your problem will settle

Take care

[Refugee_New]

Originally Posted by sapota

No offense. But I see that the poster has only 1 post & that is the one he posted today. Wonder if this id was created just for the purpose of amusement, that one would derive in reading the various comments that would result from such a post.

I know that today is friday and all but come on.

Again. No offense. In my opinion everyone who logs onto the internet has multiple personalities.

Are you mad or what? Do you think people will joke on their own life? You must be crazy man. No offence again

[kaisersose]

You really have nothing to do. The ball is in her court.

She should log into these forums and read about the travails of people who have been awaiting GCs and the limitations and hurdles she will have to face without one. That should help her decide - one way or the other.

You should not be losing any sleep over her issues, in my opinion.

[sapota]

Originally Posted by Refugee_New

Are you mad or what? Do you think people will joke on their own life? You must be crazy man. No offence again

Welcome to the internet world.

Again I am not saying that the person who started this thread is a fake. But there are a lot of indications that it may be the case.

Imagine, if this were a true situation; all he needed to ask was - "Is there a required time to be legally married after obtaining ones GC for spouse to retain GC"

Wonder why the sob story as prelude.

[singam]

Don't fall for the psychiatric mumbo jumbo. Both of you take it easy, and maybe some spiritualism will help in getting bonded well.

I had a roommate whose father worked for Mental Hospital, and his family had a scientific name for each and every human trait. Going by their analysis, everyone has some or the other psychiatric problem

[Refugee_New]

Originally Posted by badlucky

hi,

Here is my situation. eb3 labor/gc process started in dec 02.
married in 2005. applied for 485 in june 07.

wife has been in depression since march, and recently psychotherapy sessions have revealed that its a case of "hidden personality". she is not interested in marraige/family life and wants to pursue a strong career and be independent. Since she has had a previous "self mutilation" incident in life, psychiatrist is advising me to let her go or she could spiral down more into something more disastrous.

Pls advice.

Sorry to hear about your situation my friend. I can understand your pain/problem 200%. Forget about your GC for time being. If you have no children then proceed with what is good for both of you. This process will mentally as well as physically drain you. Be prepared.

May God bless you and reward you based on your good deeds.

[pdakwala]

Originally Posted by badlucky

hi,

Here is my situation. eb3 labor/gc process started in dec 02.
married in 2005. applied for 485 in june 07.

wife has been in depression since march, and recently psychotherapy sessions have revealed that its a case of "hidden personality". she is not interested in marraige/family life and wants to pursue a strong career and be independent. Since she has had a previous "self mutilation" incident in life, psychiatrist is advising me to let her go or she could spiral down more into something more disastrous.

problem is, her family is not ready to accept this and they just pushing her to rethink, make it work etc. so wife doent want to go back and wants to continue to live & make career in US. Due to difficulties with getting H1 nowadays, im ok with keeping her dependent till GC comes and then think of legal seperation (divorce in india / US -whatever is needed). Since she seeks independence she is guilty to take my gc, and i think she will try her best to get herself a h1 next year. but i dont know where this will end.

after GC, if there is seperation will derivative spouse get to keep her GC? is there some standard "soaking" period during which she cannot untie the relation. ?

Pls advice.

You help someone when they need help. My friend; it does not take much time to break something but takes lot of time and effort to build something.

Your wife needs your help so help her. Don't let her go. Things like this happen. You both take a walk every day. Take few days vacation every month. Talk to her as much as you can. Admire nature. If she wants to do something on her own, let her do. You support her. Make sure you don't put your name in it. Let her be the entity of everything. Things will fall in its place.

Cheers